Managing your kids’ big feelings: the workbook every parent needs

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The sound of crying alerts me to the living room, where my boys are yelling at each other for the billionth time today.

“What’s going on?” I ask.

Ignoring me, my youngest attempts to swipe the Playstation controller away, and my oldest yanks back, knocking my youngest down to the floor. No words exchanged, no problem solving, just more tears, more hurt, and now, more discipline.

Somehow, both of my boys (ages 8 and 4) ended up highly sensitive. Of course, because they are polar opposites of each other, their sensitivities pop up in completely different ways.

Eight is very perceptive of another person’s mood. Like his mama, he wants to fix the whole world, so I’m often reminding him that other people’s feelings are not his responsibility. Perhaps more on that in a separate blog post.

On the other hand, Four’s sensitivity manifests in more subtle ways. When he’s acting particularly wild or cranky, I know something’s up. More often than not, he will describe what’s wrong if we can calm him down enough to explain: His brother stole a toy he wanted; he spilled his juice and needs a new shirt; we told him three days ago we’d go to the store and we never did… Four keeps record of everything.

“The Highly Sensitive Child’s Workbook” by Amanda Robinson, LPC-S, RPT-S, is the book I never knew my boys needed. I thought I was doing a good job of teaching my boys about their feelings and how to respond more appropriately–and I was. But this book takes those lessons miles deeper, using fun games and exercises to really root these lessons into kids before the tantrums even happen. 

Photo credit: Amanda Robinson LPC RPT (Author), Ro Ledesma (Illustrator)

Chapter five, for example, is all about creating boundaries. “Sometimes a person might obey your request for boundaries but show disappointment or annoyance over it,” Robinson writes. “When you have empathy and care about others’ feelings, this can hurt” (p. 110). Did she just describe my oldest son perfectly in two sentences? 

The activities that followed help readers to accept others’ reactions without the guilt. But even further than that, the author provides a visual example for kids about how tall their “fence” of boundaries is. The taller the fence, perhaps it might be helpful to consider if boundaries are too rigid and interfering with relationships. 

Meanwhile, chapter three covers identifying wants and needs–a skill especially beneficial to my four-year-old, but also in my ability to help him in the moment. Is he crying because I’ve made all his choices for him today and he just wants to have some semblance of control? Is he just hangry? Overstimulated?

The chapter helps teach kids to identify where certain behaviors are stemming from, and how to make a plan of action to avoid emotional distress in the first place. For example, one thing that helped my son was providing noise-cancelling headphones so he could wear them when he was frustrated from too much noise. 

Ending on a positive note, the final chapter of the book helps to outline children’s personal goals and become aware of the activities that make them feel good inside. My younger son was able to curate his own bedtime routine using ideas from the book that empower him to build healthy habits and calm down before bedtime. 

I love that this workbook speaks on a kids’ level, while still being plenty educational for parents, too. I learned so much about my kids and better ways of co-regulating with them. While I will never claim something is a miraculous fix-it-all just for the sake of views and readership, I will say that this book is definitely a step in the right direction for managing big feelings and coming up with a plan for calming down. 

You can pick up this workbook here.

As always, special thanks to Zeitgeist Publishing for the gifted book! 

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