A leap of faith…and a whole lot of fear!
August 13, 2009: This was the day I’d been waiting for–the day I would move nearly three hours away from home to study Communication & Media Studies at college.
I stood in the doorway of my near-empty bedroom, scanning the floor and closet for any personal items I might have forgotten to pack, as if I hadn’t already triple-checked every day for the last two weeks. There were too many tears welled up in my eyes to see anyway. Truthfully, I was stalling time.
My life would never be the same–and that was terrifying.
“We don’t have to go, if you don’t want,” my father reassured me.
My throat tightened. I wanted so badly to stay, to give in to fear and run back to my daddy’s arms where I felt safe.
But I knew that I couldn’t do that. Everything was in the car; I was ready. Clearing my throat, I turned around and pasted on my best smile. “If I don’t go, I will never grow up.”
And that was that–the bird had flown the nest.
Spoiler alert: Everything turned out just fine.
The Courage to Hit “Publish”
Starting my own blog has been something I’ve wanted to do for years, but timing, parenting, work and volunteer commitments kept me from hitting “publish.”
Honestly, though, at the root of all my obstacles was really nagging fear and imposter syndrome.
This first official post is a bit more of a personal note to you, readers, for joining me on this incredible new chapter. It took years for me to stop asking permission to be myself. Years for me to realize that my thoughts and ideas need no validation from anyone else. It also took as long to decide that it doesn’t have to be all or nothing–there is so much more to come beyond this blog. But I needed to start somewhere.
Just like the day I left for college, my mind is screaming at me to abort mission, to stay in a lane more comfortable and familiar. But if I don’t go, I won’t grow.
Maybe I have a bit of an Icarus complex, but I’d rather fly too high than fear the skies.
Everything happens for a reason, and in divine timing. I’ve paved this path as a digital nomad for over a decade, finding tiny corners of the internet that had a little room to shelter some of my words. Each step was a lesson–some harder than others. Sometimes, I didn’t even want to walk anymore.
I have to appreciate the journey though, because despite the occasional hurricane, I saw some beautiful sunrises, too.
My husband and two boys mean the world to me, and have gracefully supported me through all my crazy ideas. Even so, I’d been suppressing authenticity in order to fit the mold of what I believed was expected of me. Here’s just a few of the misbeliefs I’ve carried over the years:
I couldn’t have a successful career as a military spouse; I had to wait for “my turn.”
Being a good mother meant putting my boys’ interests and activities before my own.
If I had time to read a book, I had time to get some work done.
There was no point in wasting time painting; I was no true artist.
Pokemon? Sailor Moon? That’s kid stuff. Grow up.
Not one of these statements is true, and yet, they’ve held me back for years. It’s long overdue that I embrace my passions, my creativity, and my nerdiness.
Here, you’ll find work-from-home tips beside Pokemon adventures, mental health reflections swirled into reviews of my latest romantasy reads. Twig by twig, I’m building a brand new nest, a place where I can just be myself.
There’s space here for you, too. Stay as long as you like; the house may be a mess, but the coffee is always warm.
You can read more about me and the inspiration behind the blog here.
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